Do we really need an excuse to chow down on fast food? Nope! But when Milo’s Hamburgers adds loaded fries to the menu — and debuts two different types to sample — plenty of folks will jump into their cars to try them.

That’s exactly what happened at AL.com, as three staffers headed to nearby locations of the fast-food chain to conduct taste-tests. Milo’s has a significant history in Alabama, after all, and the company founded in Birmingham is mighty popular here.

There were no rules for this unscientific enterprise; our goal was simply to determine if Milo’s loaded fries are awesome, awful or something in between. Here’s our verdict on the new Saucy Fries and Mexi Fries, courtesy of Andrew Hammond, AL.com’s sports editor, and Mary Colurso and Cody D. Short, two reporters on the Life & Culture staff.

Buying experience

Cody: I ordered the fries through Milo’s Mobile App and picked them up from the new Milo’s location in Midtown, in Birmingham’s Southside.

Andrew: I went through the drive-thru both times.

Mary: I went into the Milo’s on Montclair Road to order at the counter. Apparently this is unusual behavior at my local Milo’s, because the staffers there (who were very nice) seemed surprised that anyone would actually get out of the car and walk inside. What can I say? I’m old school.

Note on prices: An order of Milo’s Saucy Fries costs $6.78, plus tax, in Birmingham. An order of Mexi Fries costs $5.78, plus tax.

What are they?

Milo’s Saucy Fries consist of Milo’s classic fries topped with burger, grilled onions, Milo’s Sauce and queso. One serving of Saucy Fries has 658 calories (312 calories from fat), according to the Milo’s website. Milo’s Mexi Fries are made with classic fries topped with bacon, jalapenos and queso. One serving of Mexi Fries has 413 calories (183 calories from fat). (See more nutritional info here.)

Taste test: How and where

Cody: I took the fries home, which is a 5-minute drive away from the Midtown location.

Andrew: The two taste tests I did were done at home, and it’s a good thing they were! After consuming this delicious dish, you end up wanting an afternoon nap. A very joyful afternoon nap.

Mary: I brought the fries home, because I’m a messy eater in the car and I had a food-motivated Corgi with me. I noticed that two paper bags of fries made the interior of my car quite, um, aromatic during the 10-minute drive. (The Corgi was highly intrigued.)

Saucy Fries or Mexi Fries?

Cody: I got the Milo’s Saucy Fries because I love a good sauce to go with my food. I actually ordered extra Milo’s sauce to go with the fry bowl. But I also have to be in the mood for spicy food or a dish that has a kick to it. And I wasn’t in the mood to have that with my fries in the middle of a Friday (FRY-DAY) for lunch.

Andrew: Saucy fries on both occasions; they were so nice I had to go back twice.

Mary: I got both types. You know, for research purposes.

First impressions…

Cody: The fry bowl looks messy. Which, for me, is a good thing because that means that they should be loaded with flavor from the chopped hamburger meat, grilled onions, queso and Milo’s sauce. I was hungry, so during my first bite, I thought, “These are pretty good”.

Andrew: Loaded fries with hamburger in them, an absolute win! Add in the Milo’s sauce with the queso? Very savory and flavorful.

Mary: Bleh! The container of Saucy Fries reminded me of a goopy swamp, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to wade in. (The Milo’s staffer who made my dish must go heavy on the queso.) The Mexi Fries looked more appealing — that is, less like a bowl of glop — and I was relieved to see a mix of colors in the container, thanks to the jalapenos and bacon. The Saucy Fries struck me as being bland and soggy, as if someone had dumped a heap of Sloppy Joe mix onto a bowl of crinkle-cut fries. The Mexi Fries had more flavor and kick; they were less soupy and more appetizing. Sorry, Milo’s!

After a few more bites…

Cody: I love grilled onions! And I didn’t taste the onions here, so I think I would have liked if there were more. However, as I kept eating, I felt like something was missing. Now, if you’re from Birmingham and have eaten Milo’s throughout your life like me, then you know their food has changed a bit. The burger and sauce don’t hit like it used to, and that is translated to the fries.

Mary: I like fries! Let me state that for the record. And I understand the desire for a hearty fast-food dish. But why drown your fries in brown sauce, an uninteresting cheese fluid and hamburger bits? I just don’t get it. The Mexi Fries at least have some crunch and zing. The Saucy Fries remind me of Aunt Peggy’s Dreaded Casserole.

Flavors, appearance and textures

Cody: Because the fries are loaded with so much sauce, they’re a bit soggy, but that doesn’t bother me. Some of it almost puts you in mind of a loaded baked potato. I don’t expect a beautiful presentation when food is described as “loaded.” But the texture and appearance are about what I would expect.

Andrew: Loaded fries usually just have the typical cheese, bacon, chives and other garnishes, but this looks different, and feels different upon first bite.

Mary: Is it unrealistic to want a hint of crispiness from loaded fries? They are, after all, loaded. But I think the mixture of fries and toppings should taste so great, you really don’t care if the dish is Mush City. Overall, I would take the Mexi Fries over the Saucy Fries in a heartbeat.

Calorie count

Cody: With as much stuff that’s loaded on the fries, I’m surprised it’s only 658 calories. But with that being said, it was a bit much for me. I didn’t finish them because I became so full.

Andrew: You lose calorie count, and usually don’t care because it’s so delicious.

Mary: I wasn’t horrified by the calorie count, especially on the Mexi Fries, and that’s saying something.

How long did it take you to finish?

Cody: I’m a slow eater, so it took me about 15 minutes to eat them. And no, I didn’t finish it.

Andrew: It took about 15-20 minutes for the two times I tried them. They’re so good! Worth savoring every bite.

Mary: I didn’t finish either one, but made a much bigger dent in the Mexi Fries.

How do these compare to loaded fries you’ve tried elsewhere?

Cody: If I had to grade to give these fries a grade, I would give them a 6/10. It’s still Milo’s French fries! Their fries are iconic and still great, even if they are loaded with bland toppings.

Andrew: I’m not just trying to blow smoke, but these might be some of the best loaded fries I’ve ever had. Add the jalapenos; you won’t be disappointed.

Mary: I’ll cede to Cody and Andrew on this one.

Are they worth the price?

Cody: In Birmingham the Saucy Fries cost $6.78 before taxes. I guess in this economy that’s about what it should cost, but I would rather not pay more than $6 total for them. Milo’s has gotten expensive since the pandemic, though! The Milo’s Saucy Fries bowl costs less than the majority of the kids’ meals at the restaurant.

Andrew: Absolutely!

Mary: Milo’s loaded fries are substantial — they’re not a skimpy side dish — so the prices seem fine to me.

Would you order these fries again?

Cody: No. I love French fries, but if they’re going to be loaded with toppings, then the toppings itself need to be good. Unfortunately, they took away from how good Milo’s fries are.

Andrew: Yes, but I’m gonna need an intense workout after consuming them.

Mary: Once was enough, thank you. (Now excuse me while I go sample the next trendy fast-food thing.)

Should other people try Milo’s loaded fries?

Cody: If you’re curious, yes. But if you don’t care, then it’s not worth the calories or wasted room in your tummy. Going into this, I didn’t have any expectations, but I think it just reminded me that Milo’s is not as good as it used to be.

Andrew: Yes, even if it’s once. You won’t look at loaded fries the same way ever again.

Mary: Sure, why not? Alabama has lots of Milo’s fans. I wasn’t thrilled, but if you’re an aficionado, these loaded fries might hit the spot. Try ‘em out and call me crazy.

MORE ON MILO’S:

The story behind Alabama’s famous Milo’s hamburger sauce

Alabama fast-food bracket: We have a winner

Milo’s offers to satisfy Alabama Oscar winner’s craving for sweet tea: ‘Have your people call our people’

11 things you might not know about Milo’s

Year of Alabama Food: Milo’s Hamburgers, Birmingham